Questions and Answers:

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Q. Thank you for sharing your story and pointing out that pornography is indeed a problem and a morally wrong one at that. At least, that's how I see it.

I am dating a man now who I know thinks there's nothing wrong with pornography. I'd like to continue the relationship, but this is a big problem with me. I need to tell him how I feel, but how do I go about doing that? And, what if HE doesn't think it's a problem? Do I tell him that I think it is and dump him or let him know how I feel and ask that we work together on this. I don't think there's a compromise, do you?
Karen from New Wilmington, PA

A. We have an obligation as Christians to not only turn from sin, but to point out to other Christians when we are concerned about their stumbles. If he is not a Christian, then the problem of pornography is only the tip of the iceberg. I think you need to examine the depth of his relationship with God and see what else is "is no problem". Sin always comes pregnant, and the road to pornography only deepens the pathway to darkness. (John 12:46) We can't advise you about whether or not you should be dating him, but we can tell you there is no compromise of God's spoken words. This will never add to your relationship, but only take away.

Q. I just found out that my husband has been going to pornography web sites for quite some time, and I feel ugly to him. It’s something I can’t get out of my mind and it’s hard to have a physical relationship with him anymore. I don’t think he is going back to those web sites anymore, but the damage is done. What can I do?

A. Well, first of all you need to know for sure that his addiction has ended and repentance has taken place. If it’s not a true repentance then it may only become “sin management” for him and might surface again down the road. Those feelings you have physically with him are those devastating consequences that will occupy your life for some time. God wants us to be “one” with each other, but you can’t purge what may be years of neglect and attention that he diverted away from you and placed on a flat screen monitor. Being one means also being one with God, and your husband cannot serve two masters. If he with his full heart begins a journey of obedience and love with God, you will begin to feel him cherish you in a way you’ve never felt before. Continue to pray, and believe!

Q. My husband only watches adult films with me. He thinks it enhances our relationship but I’m not quite sure. I feel like the film is “starter fuel” for him and it’s not me. What are your thoughts? Estelle from Boston

A. The word of God is clear, in Matthew 5:27-28 it says “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery. But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” There is no thread of truth that when you or your husband look with lust at pornography that the love you have for each other is enhanced. In fact, the purity of love as designed by God is being destroyed. If your husband is the apple of your eye and you to him, then completeness is when we follow God’s intention. While it might feel temporarily exciting (doesn’t most sin) its long term effect is devastating. Remember, we are seeking what God wants us to be, and that is oneness (man and wife) following his truth. We cannot dilute that and reach a deep meaningful love when we devote any attention to others. You and you alone should be the only “starter fuel” he needs. Listen to your heart! Isn’t it telling you that? You both need professional counsel or help from your pastor to unravel this, as well as prayer.