Our Story: Jacque

August 18, 2005 was the day that my life would change into eventually the one God intended me to have, the life I had prayed for before I married and just a short two months earlier. I knew leading up to that day that I loved Jim, he worked hard to provide for our family, gave me everything I ever wanted materially, and was well liked by everyone. I realized that our life lacked the special bond of oneness that I had always wanted in our marriage but I also knew God brought us together through my prayers so I didn’t want to complain about something that most would consider me lucky. Our physical connection as the years went by at best felt as a basic need, empty and not one as a loving connection of oneness between a husband and wife. I still loved Jim no matter what because my heart took precedence over what my mind wanted. There were other problems as well that coincided with our relationship, Jim required more domineering control as the years progressed, he became less involved with our children including other family members and took the reins to our personal lives. We did go to church on Sunday and he would conduct Bible study surprisingly at my request if we missed. I wanted him to be the Christian leader of our family and often asked him to pray with me. I believed God could give him these qualities and us oneness through my faith if only he too would believe.

What I didn’t know was that my husband was secretly engaged into the realm of pornography addiction. I knew that porn existed on Internet although I didn’t know the extent of its control and power. I knew very early on in our marriage Jim bought some adult magazines but after confronting him, promised that he would never buy them and hurt me again. I always trusted Jim and believed that porn would never again Interest him because he cherished me, so I thought. This addiction had taken him down the roads of selfishness and other avenues of porn as well. I would often have feelings Jim was hiding something, but I quickly discounted all of them.

We were on vacation with the family that Thursday afternoon sitting by the pool, Jim kept getting up and leaving me and so the feeling began. He earlier had gone up to take a nap without wanting me to accompany him and returned shortly after. In that instance my heart knew that I had to follow the path which I believe could only been inspired by God’s perfect timing. I quickly left to say I was going to the room to get ready for dinner. I opened up his laptop (which I had never done before) to my surprise it was on, went to his favorite list and found the sites. It felt like a knife pierced my heart and tore a big hole in it when I finally discovered the truth of this life he was living daily. I had no place to go, no one to confide in and to understand what I was feeling. Those first few days I thought I was getting a divorce but God had other plans and placed a call in my heart that Jim would turn over a new life and I needed more than ever to have faith.

Yes, August 18 and the days that followed were the start of God’s plan to take on another disciple for Christ and to hold up the light for those who are trapped in the darkness of pornography. Our life has transformed on a daily basis to be who we really were intended to be and go where God wants us.   I finally have the loving relationship with my husband I've always wanted and with God's help and faith in him you can too!  In this web site we'll reveal more aspects of our story and how God and others who share can help you and your loved one get through this darkness together.

Our names are Jim and Jacque Merkel.
We live in Mars, PA with our 6 children and
have been married nearly 28 years.

Please read the brief story of our lives. It helps to give you some understanding of what happened to bring us to the place we are today. To develop this web site to help others “turn your life over” and connect with God, to heal from their separation from each other, and to become one!

Our Story: Jim

Life was going along smoothly, or at least I thought so. In fact I just celebrated my 25th anniversary with my wife. But something was seriously wrong. Have you ever accepted something in your life so long that you thought it was normal, only to find out that you no longer had the ability to discern what was truly right and what was utterly unacceptable? With the explosion of the Internet came the ability to sin privately on my own. I rationalized it didn’t hurt anybody when I browsed from one pornography site to another. It also led me to purchasing adult movies, and looking at women differently in real life. Then one day my wife discovered my secret. It nearly ripped her heart in two. I couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about that day, but in the weeks and months ahead a very vivid picture of the cause and effect of what I started doing years ago had on our lives. My tepid belief in God and my selfishness changed what could have been a deep love affair with my wife into something much less. At best before her discovery we were “partners” or “roommates” but not two people that shared a deep “oneness” with each other. We didn’t laugh from our bellies. We didn’t have a good physical relationship. We didn’t confide our souls to each other the way we should. My addiction to Internet pornography began a journey that nearly destroyed me and my beautiful wife. It even tore into the relationship with my children. I was less a father, husband, and man because I sought what I wanted, and not what Christ wanted.

Today I walk with the Lord. I can live and love in ways that I never thought possible. I know I am the husband I need to be. I’m certain I am a more engaged father than I’ve ever been. Today I know I am a man! Christ released me from my walk with death, and I want everyone to know it. I dedicate this web site to anyone who is currently walking with the same burdens I had, and to help those that are hurting find peace by truly accepting Jesus.